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Brand New Moves by Hey Violet

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Hey Violet Brand New Moves
Pale People Problems

For some, the thought of summer is like having a second Christmas in the middle of year. For the rest of us, it's hell on earth. Why? Because the mere shine of the scorching summer sun on our lily white skin is enough to send us to the burns unit. Yes, pale people of the world unite and let us all cry through the summer together.

1) Your legs are so pale they’re almost translucent. In fact, they haven’t *actually* seen sun since your holiday to Spain in 2007.

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Why? WHY have been cursed with this summertime predicament?!

2) You almost resent getting your legs out in the summer because the majority of comments you receive are unbearable. 

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"Oooh, looks like you need a bit of sun!" Yes, thank you for your input, Karen.

3) Chances are, you were so sheltered from the sun as a child that you are in no way prepared to deal with the heat as an adult.

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As a kid with pale skin, you were kept inside like a prisoner by your parents. And thank god because you'd be looking like a bit of crispy bacon by your late teens!

4) The contents of your bag is literally just bottles of sun tan lotion. 

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You're basically a walking bottle of sun tan lotion yourself at this point.

5) In fact, you own QUITE the diverse collection. 

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EXCLUSIVE: Inside look at your personal bathroom cabinet.

6) The smell of sun tan lotion no longer reminds you of beach holidays and good times, instead it instills a burning fear in to your heart. 

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Here come to the flashbacks to the great sunburn of 2012!

7) Here’s some real life footage of you at the beach: 

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Honestly, what is the point of even wasting your time at the beach if you're just gonna hide under your flamingo beach towel?! 

8) Five minutes in the sun will result in the week long practice of living with sunburn. If you’re lucky, that sunburn will turn into the most glorious tan you’ve ever had. #NoPainNoGain

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On second thoughts... Is the sunburn even WORTH the potential suntan? No. The answer is no. But it's a nice reward, we guess.

9) The week after a summer holiday consists of you going out of your way to prove to your haters that you actually did get a tan. 

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"I *promise* you that I have a tan. Do you wanna see me tan li- LET ME SHOW YOU MY TAN LINES!"

OMG! The PopBuzz Podcast has arrived and it's SAVAGE! Listen now...

10) And when you DO manage to catch a tan, you have to go to extreme lengths to find a foundation that now actually matches your face. 

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So inconvient.

11) You’ve suffered more self tanning disasters than you care to talk about. 

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You're either see-through, or you're bright orange. There is no in between and there never will be. You've accepted that over time.

12) If your friends invite you to hang out at the park this weekend, you have to politely decline because your required wardrobe and the heat do not combine. 

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Cannot. Be. Exposed. To. Sun. For. More. Than. Two. Minutes.

13) Pool party? GTFO. 

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14) This is basically you in your natural state, isn’t it? 

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Is it winter yet? *cries*


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