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American Horror Story Life Lessons

American Horror Story is not all blood and guts, you know. Serious, deep and meaningful life lessons can be found around every corner and they could save your life. Here are some of the most important lessons we've taken from the past five (and a half!) seasons... 

 

1) Never trust a nosey neighbour.

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Seriously, there's probably a reason they keep hanging around your house - and it's not just to be your friend. And it's usually always super sinister. 

 

2) Even though it sounds so very tempting, you should probably never ever date a witch.

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It's NOTHING like Harry Potter. 

 

3) Do not have sex, because you will get pregnant - and die!

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WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU VIVIEN! 

  

4) If you're ever faced with the dilemma of befriending either a spoiled rich kid or an unpopular freak... NEVER PICK THE RICH KID!

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They're not to be trusted!

 

5) And on that note... curfews exist for a reason.

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LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER!

 

6) Never EVER take a dip in the hot tub in the middle of the night while you're home alone. 

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You know what, just don't go near any bodies of water while you're alone and in the dark. OK?

 

7) Always bring a Medium or some kind of Exorcist with you when you're checking out a new house...

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It could save you a ~lifetime~ of troubles!

 

8) When in doubt, burst into song.

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The Name Game is a MASSIVE crowd pleaser!

 

9) Always demand a background check on your doctor. 

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ALWAYS. And if you see ANYTHING that resembles human skin in his office, GTFO. 

 

10) Visiting an abandoned asylum as part of your newlywed sightseeing tour will only result in terrible things. 

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There are thrill seekers, and then there are IDIOTS. 

 

11) If your child ever starts talking about an imaginary friend, you better put that kid up for adoption and RUN. 

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No no no no NO... there will be no tea parties with Priscilla today.

 

12) Blood face masks are an essential beauty ritual to maintain your youthful looks.

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If it's good enough for Kathy Bates, it's good enough for you!

 

13) Hats are an absolute MUST. 

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Never leave the house without one.

 

14) Becoming a Fortune Teller is a great profession to fall back on.

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See Mum, I'm earning a great wage and I'm not a complete failure!

 

15) Having three boobs does not give you superpowers.

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Sadly...

 

16) DO NOT PICK UP HITCH HIKERS!!!

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WHY DID WE EVEN NEED TO TELL YOU THIS?! 

 

17) Always remember to check the Trip Advisor Ratings before you check into a hotel.

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FUNDAMENTAL!! 

 

18) Be sure to always have an excellent maid on speed dial.

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Saving lives and disposing of bodies... the perfect best friend!

 

19) Add the word "Croatoan" to your vocabulary... it'll probably save your life.

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Well... unless it's a blood moon, that is. In that case, you're on your own!

 

20) If you're ever offered Room 64 at the hotel check in desk... DO NOT ACCEPT. 

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WE REPEAT! DO NOT ACCEPT!

 

21) NEVER run in a hotel lobby.

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If you didn't pick up this valuable piece of information from Mr Moseby, then let Gaga explain.

 

22) Black wearing black is always a good idea.

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OBVI.

 

23) And the most important life lesson you'll ever learn is to never EVER f*ck with Kathy Bates.

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SHE WILL DESTROY YOU!  

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