It's 5 o'clock, you've just got home and you're scanning Twitter to see whether any world leaders have done something unsavoury with a dead pig again. Then you see it.
Somebody is throwing you shade in a subtweet. This. Is. War.
It's not even subtle. They will describe everything about you except your name and then write #subtweet afterwards. Could they make it anymore obvious?
When someone complains about never hanging out and then wen you invite them to do stuff with you they turn you down. #subtweet— Delaney (@LaneyBurnett) September 25, 2015
Maybe if you're a Z-list Youtuber and your Twitter is suspended for harassment you should change your attitude before complaining. #Subtweet— ZenniSPOOKY (@Zennistrad) September 18, 2015
Happy birthday I don't care about you #subtweet— erica from the pack (@Ericarude) September 17, 2015
Hope you have fun being me. Hanging out with all my friends and doing the things I do. Best of luck to ya. #subtweet— Erica Graham (@Erica_Graham) September 16, 2015
So how are you suppose to respond to all this trash? Thank god we've got some sassy idols to provide spiritual and practical guidance in these matters.
1) Brush it off like it's your B day.
If it's someone completely insignificant to your life then there's no point in engaging with them. It would be like putting on your best outfit to go to McDonalds. You needn't make the effort. A simple 'whatever' response will suffice.
2) The "I Fully Agree With You" response.
Sometimes a subtweet can be accurate. The confusion is about the motivation. For example, if you flatmate subtweets saying you were rude, you say, "Yes, but that's because you ate all my f*cking food. How about you buy some pasta before you take to Twitter to trash me?" Etc.
3) The "B*tch, please" response.
Sometimes you have to let people know just how ridiculous they're being. If so, do it in style. Nicki knows best on this one.
You can give the best impression about a subtweet by tweeting nothing at all. #truth
5) Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the ultimate subtweet comeback.
"Oh you think I'm skanky? Why, thank you. Have a nice day. Send my love to your ugly children."
6) Favourite it.
This is the perfect ambiguous response. What does it mean? That you found it funny, or are you being passive-aggressive? This will creep the other person out, which is always a good thing.
7) Retweet and let the world know.
This is a risky strategy and should only been done when serious dragging has been committed. Blow it up and you can expose the shady tweeter to the world but expect a war of words to follow. Some things are best left unsaid, unless you love fights, then jump right in.
8) Just reply with this GIF and be done with it.
Amen to that.