Darwinism by Holy Holy

Now Playing

Holy Holy Darwinism
Struggles Of Working In Retail

We've all done it - whether it's working a summer job or spending your entire weekend behind a counter. We've all done our time in retail and if you haven't taken your first step into a stock room yet - your time will come.

1) You've absolutely NAILED the art of the fake smile and laugh. 


Honestly, you're just waiting for someone to call you and let you know you've been nominated for an Oscar. Any day now, right? It's long overdue.

2) And you've also mastered the art of "sleuth texting" aka secretly texting under the counter without even looking at the screen.


If fact, you're so good at it that you could literally send an essay on an iPhone and not end up with one spelling mistake. How your boss has never noticed is a miracle. 

3) You take approximately 17 toilet breaks throughout your shift just so you can sit down.


You will gladly risk people thinking you have a serious bladder problem just so you can put your damn feet up for a hot second. 

4) Your bloodstream is basically made up of a concoction of the cheapest energy drinks legally available.


Well, how else do they expect you to last for an entire 9 hour shift and be ready to start it all over again at 8am the next day? Duh!

5) You used to love Christmas - you looked forward to it every year but now it just fills you hatred and fear.


Christmas shopping. Boxing Day. JANUARY SALES. *cries for all eternity*

6) You never ever have time to go out with your friends anymore because they're always on different shift patterns.


The worst thing about retail isn't the customers - it's trying to get the work squad out for a few drinks. It's impossible and you're usually the one that gets left out because you're always stuck working weekends. Wah.

7) There's nothing more awkward than having to serve someone from your school.


There's literally NO where you can hide on this one - not even behind that fake smile and laugh because they know you. So you can't be fake and you can't ignore them, so you just have to settle for painfully awkward. Kill me now, please. 

8) You use your staff discount SO MUCH that it actually turns out you're putting more money back into the company than you get in wages.


It's almost as if you're paying to work here. Scammed again!

9) You've started to develop an acute case of anxiety over the anticipation of the dreaded "Can you cover this shift?" phone call.


As if your phone anxiety wasn't at 100% anyway, every time the phone rings you now automatically descend into a sweaty panic. TIP: Block the number of your work and your boss on your days off. Don't tell anyone we told you that. ;)

10) When there's one person left on the shop floor and you're 5 minutes away from closing.


Listen, lady! I've gotta shut this place down in 4 minutes and 45 seconds. Are you buying that Ivy Park tracksuit or not?

11) You could probably set up a successful business as a therapist thanks to the life stories of your regular customers.


In just one 9hr shift on a Thursday, you’ll have been privy to more family arguments, divorces, affairs, new babies, sudden deaths than a character on Grey’s Anatomy.

12) "Oohh, it's not scanning - it must be free then! HAR HAR HAR HAR!"


There's that fake laugh again!

13) "The customer is always right!"




Have your say