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True Disaster  by Tove Lo

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Tove Lo True Disaster
Beyonce

The release of a Beyoncé album is always a spectacle, not least because of her majesty's kink for shock-and-awe surprise drops. Seriously, if singing ever didn't work out for Beyoncé, she might want to consider working for the air force. She drops bangers like she's in the luftwaffe ffs.

seeking.tumblr.com/

"Changed the game with that digital drop/Know where you was when that digital popped/I stopped the world", she bragged on Nicki's "Feeling Myself". She wasn't lying. I remember exactly where I was when Beyoncé dropped BEYONCÉ; I was in bed sleeping because it was midnight UK time and some of us need our beauty sleep. 

http://illuminatimess.tumblr.com/post/142980750140/me-after-watching-the-lemonade-preview


But in this high-drama, high-stakes context, we begin to understand why the Beyhive, her very own online militia, went into overdrive when Youncè previewed a clip on her Instagram of LEMONADE, a mystery project that will be airing on HBO on 23 April. A longer preview appeared yesterday which left us with more questions than answers. You can watch it below.


So what is it? How the f**k would I know? I ain't got time to be second guessing her majesty. The Beyhivé, however, have plenty of time for that. And boy, did they come up with the goods...

 

1) Beyoncé is thirsty as hell to enter the drinks industry.

http://beyhive4ever.tumblr.com/post/142910437852/stop

People have suggested Beyoncé will be selling organic lemonade in your local Wholefoods store. Scream! I'm ready to sip on Beyoncé lemonade any day of the week tbh. The thought of it alone is making me extremely parched. 

 

2) Beyoncé is into golden showers?

http://thaunderground.tumblr.com/post/142949851552/lemonade-probably-a-song-about-beyonce-pissing

I think the less we say about this the better. #JayPee

 

3) Beyoncé left the illuminati to start a new cult called the Lemonati.

http://fiercegifs.tumblr.com/post/142904246925/omg-she-warned-us-on-instagram-in-september-and-as

The signs have been there for a very long time (well, since September 2015).

 

4) Beyoncé is pregnant. 

http://round-t-w-o.tumblr.com/post/142981650912/beyoncé-releases-something-us-the-lace

Surprise pregnancy announcements are another weapon in the Beyoncé arsenal. Don't rule out Watermelon Jackson just yet.

 

5) Beyoncé is the next supreme.

http://nosettastone.tumblr.com/post/142981706819/beyoncé-really-out-here-on-some-the-next-supreme

This isn't really a conspiracy, is it? It's just a fact.

 

6) Beyoncé is collaborating with Adele on a song called "Lemonade Taste"

This "leaked" tracklisting can't really be trusted as some information on here is obviously wrong, for example, the release date which has already passed. But could an Adele collab be on the cards? They were supposed to perform together when Beyoncé headlined Glastonbury back in 2011 but Adele had to pull out due to illness. Could Adele show up in Lemonade? Possibly maybe!

 

7) Beyoncé is covering/sampling SOPHIE'S "Lemonade"

Kinda like "Run The World (Girls)", which famously featured a sample of Major Lazer's "Pon De Floor". I am 100% into this idea fyi.

 

8) Beyoncé is trying to kill us all.

http://poppinpoussey.tumblr.com/post/142981485297/beyoncé-me

Convincing evidence is emerging across the internet.

 

9) Beyoncé is the warm up act for Game of Thrones because no one would know it's on otherwise. 

http://kenyamoore.tumblr.com/post/142907334725/lemonade-on-saturday-game-of-thrones-on-sunday

As some of you will be aware, Game of Thrones is a cult show with a small but dedicated following. It has been struggling to pull in the viewing figures since its debut in 2011 and so to create a bit of publicity for the show (and boy do they need some) they've recruited Beyoncé to make a documentary about them. The title, LEMONADE, comes from Stannis Baratheon's favourite drink. 


Perhaps none of the above persuaded you. But if you take anything away from this, please just remember: Beyoncé cannot be trusted to not f**k with you. She has proven time and time again that she enjoys toying with your brain. And she knows EXACTLY how to do it.

She's watching you.

fiercegifs.tumblr

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