It's been three whole days since the apocalypse. We've only just started venturing out of our cave, trying to make sense of what happened and how to move forward. One thing is for certain: it's a brave new world filled with sex jams, weed bangers and glitter sh*ts.
We are, of course, talking about the release of Anti. Aside from the accidental leak and the Tidal exclusive, the release was welcomed like a child seeing it's mother again after getting lost in the supermarket. That's to say, we really f*cking missed her.
The reviews are in and, on the whole, they've been positive. Most have agreed this is Rihanna's best album so far. Gone are the immaculate bangers, replaced with a new rawness. Musically, it's far more adventurous than anything she's done before.
That's not to say Rihanna's lost any of her sass. She's still the baddest gal around town. And if we dig a little deeper at the lyrics, Rihanna still has the ability to surprise, shock and stun with one liners. We've picked a few of our favourites to show you what we're talking about.
"Let me cover your shit in glitter / I can make it gold, gold"
They say you can't polish a turd but Rihanna can make it glittery, which is obviously great news for everyone. In the context of the song, "Consideration", she's suggesting she can turn anything into a hit record. Which she almost definitely true. I guess the saying should be 'You can't polish a turd, unless you're Rihanna'.
"Ner ner ner ner ner ner / When you a guh ner ner ner ner ner ner"
We're willing to admit that we don't understand a large percentage of "Work", largely thanks to Rihanna's heavy Bajan accent and her laissez-faire attitude toward pronouncing all the syllables of a word. But it doesn't take a genius to figure out that this is a sex jam. Sure, the lyrics might have you aggressively throwing poetry anthologies at your laptop, but you you might wanna add this to your 'late night' playlist anyway.
"Didn't they tell you I was a savage, fuck your white horse and a carriage"
The word 'savage' really jumped out at us on "Needed Me". Rihanna's been playing with the bad girl image for some time (Good Girl Gone Bad being a classic example) but here she goes even further, taking the 'female empowerment anthem' into much rawer territory. We're willing to wager a bet that describing yourself as 'savage' will be the 'ratchet' of 2016.
"Yeah, I said it, boy, get up inside it / I want you to homicide it"
We always appreciate the inventive ways artists describe getting laid but asking a lover to 'homicide it' might be one of the most disturbing of them all. On "Yeah, I Said It", like "Needed Me", Rihanna is talking about female empowerment and sexual liberation in the kind of extreme language which will keep music journalists busy with think-pieces for weeks to come. Less certain if 'homicide it' will catch on as a catchphrase though.
"You light my fire / let's stay up late and smoke a J / I wana go back to the old way / But I'm drunk instead, with a full ashtray / With a little bit too much to say"
We love this line about being drunk and calling a crush. It's tempting to think of Rihanna as a deity from Planet Perfection who can get any guy (or girl) she likes. On "Higher", Rihanna paints herself as a chain-smoking, overly-emotional, loud-mouth drunk, just like the rest of us mere mortals.
"Stir it up, porridge / Getting dope, so rich / Ah smoke it / And I ain't never liked a broke bitch"
We're just happy to see a porridge reference in a Rihanna song tbh. Also, shout out to the person who described "Pose" on Genius as a "ratchet pussy poppin' anthem". We couldn't have put it better ourselves.
"Sex with me, so amazing / All this all work, no vacation / Stay up off my Instagram, pure temptation...Sex with me, so amazing / Vodka and water, and a melon / And a few other things I can not mention"
What are the things she can't mention? A generous pension? A wet Alsatian? Self-immolation? Who knows! But "Sex With Me" closes the extended version of Anti in suitably ludicrous lyrical style. Rihanna has more bravado than any male rapper in the game. Lines like these only serve to solidify her OG status.