Bad Santa 2
1) Let’s start with people who actually like Christmas. They are literally the worse.
Especially Santa. He's the worst of them all.
2) 'Tis the season of giving = LIES.
3) And then there's the people that take it way too far.
4) Christmas lights on Christmas Trees? You might as well set yourself on fire.
Those tacky fairy lights you bought at the pound shop ain't gonna pass a health & safety test, bbz.
5) The suffering isn't limited to humans either.
Think of the millions of animals that are forced to dress-up against their will each year. Where are PETA when you need them?
6) Let's be real, it's even worse for Turkeys.
At any other time of year this would be considered genocide.
7) Christmas jumpers aren’t ‘fun’ or ‘cute’ – they’re ugly as hell.
If this is your family, we're so sorry.
8) Jesus didn’t die on the cross so you could look bad.
^Me looking at your "kooky" Christmas Jumper.
9) We spend all this money on presents but 95% of them are trash.
You know where this would look nice? Back on the shelf where you bought it.
10) Everyone has practised this smile in the mirror at least once in preparation for Xmas morning.
'Thanks, I guess'
11) Spending excessive time with your family is bad for your health and will inevitably end in violence.
It’s actually worse for you than smoking (that’s not true but it might as well be)
12) Especially if they make you sing carols.
There’s nothing wrong with singing, per se, but if your mother is tone deaf and you’re singing jingle bells for the eleventh time, it kinda gets on your tits.
13) So drink away the pain this Christmas...
14) And remember, it's just one day. It will all be over soon.