LOVERS LAW by Rat Boy

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Rat Boy LOVERS LAW
cats asset

Let me get one thing straight: I do not hate your cat, and I do not hate cats in general. 

But I find your relationship with your cat problematic in the sense that I, and everyone else following your feed, has unwittingly become part of the relationship, too. What's worse is that we can't do anything about it. Cats have such a monopoly over the internet that any dissent is swiftly squashed. 

We all know what happens when #TeamCats comes after you.

 

I'm not the only one. There is a largely silent but growing number of people who are done with your cat.

So what's the problem? Well, let me break it down for you.

1) Your cat is super boring.

 

I really don't need another picture of your cat sat around looking bored AF. Unless it miraculously developed skills in stone masonry or playing the didgeridoo then I ain't interested.  

2) Your cat doesn't even like you that much.

 

You know how every time you try to take a picture of your cat and it nonchalantly walks away? Yeah well that's because it literally could not give a crap unless you have food.  

3) The pictures you post are just bad.

 

Do I want to see your cat dressed up? No. Do I want to see your cat staged in mocked up 'funny ha ha' situations? No. Let the madness stop.

4) No one wants to join your cat's Facebook group. 

 

YOUR CAT CANNOT USE A COMPUTER. YOUR FRIENDS DO NOT WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR CAT AND THEY DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU PRETENDING TO BE A CAT. 

5) Your house smells like cat sh*t and it's gross.

 

How would you like it if I invited you round for dinner and you walked in only to find that I had been collecting my own poo in a box in the corner of the kitchen for the past week? Yeah, exactly. 

6) You only have a cat because you can't be bothered to look after a dog.

 

In your heart of hearts, you know you'd love a big dog to cuddle, who loves you unconditionally, that you can take for long walks and won't run away because someone offers it more food. Let's be real, cats are a step down from dogs and a small step up from a house plant.

7) Cat Leashes. 

 

As if I needed more proof cat owners just want a dog. Is there anything sadder than a cat forced against it will to be outside with a person it only mildly likes. Awks.

 

8) Your cat will never go viral. Please stop.

 

Your cat is happy with a quiet life. It doesn't want to be an internet star. It doesn't need the fame. It just wants to go outside to find new owners who will feed it better. Put your camera down, open the back door and let it free.

9) Your cat is evil. That's why it destroys all your nice things.

 

Your cat is a psychopath. It breaks stuff for fun, it attacks you for no reason, it's absolutely okay with faking it's own death to leave you. So when you talk about "your little angel" please forgive me if I roll my eyes.

10) As if I haven't suffered enough, now your wearing a cat t-shirts all the time?

 

I'm done. 

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